Living in the Past and Rollerskating in Traffic
Posted by Samantha Kennedy on Wednesday, May 7, 2014
My parents have always told me that I'm a smart kid. Unfortunately, I seem determined to prove them wrong with the choices I make. I think a few factors led to my poor decision, one of them being the fact that my first full season as a pro is coming closer and closer. Don't get me wrong, I'm ridiculously excited to race as a professional triathlete. But I'm also terrified.
Rollerskating in traffic. It is a term I first heard a few years back when I first met my now coach Barb Lindquist at a weekend training camp. Basically, it means doing something dangerous and unnecessary shortly before a race, which is exactly what I did. I think it is also a nice term for my very polite coach to use when she responded to my email about what I did without saying I made a very, very stupid decision.
As many people know, I used to be a soccer player. Soccer consumed my life from 4th grade to my junior year of college. It was everything to me because it was me. It was how I saw myself. When it all came crashing to an end due to concussions and hip surgery, I knew I could never play again. I knew I shouldn't ever play again. But one day, it was right there. A fellow resident asked if I would play on an indoor soccer team. Oh sure, I gave him a few reasons why I really shouldn't play, but they were short girls and could really use me. My sister was also available to play, which presented a unique opportunity because she was 4 grades behind me and we had never really played together. And there was that whole pro season thing staring me in the face. It was just too easy to fall back into the comfortable and well known role of being a soccer player instead of facing the daunting role of a first year professional triathlete. And so I decided to live in the past.
I actually played reasonably well. After playing for as long as I did, touch and knowledge of the game come back like, well, riding a bike. But my muscles weren't used to the direction changes and the unique strength needed to kick a ball. By the second half my legs were sore and heavy, but I kept pushing because my triathlon endurance allowed me to keep sprinting up and down the field. Then, with two minutes left in the game, I finally paid the price of rollerskating in traffic. It wasn't anything mind blowing or ESPN-worthy. The girl in front of me stepped backwards as I stepped forward, my foot came down on the edge of her shoe and my ankle rolled and popped. I forgot how much it hurts to sprain an ankle. The girl on the other team was super nice, she asked me if I was okay, but I was in too much pain to answer her. I limped off the field, absolutely stunned and silent. By the time my sister helped me to my car, I was barely holding back the tears. I cried the entire drive home, shocked by the pain that kept rolling over me in endless waves. When I finally pulled into my driveway, my ankle was stiff and swollen and I couldn't make myself walk, so I crawled into the house. And that's where my husband found me, crying on the floor of the hallway with my bad leg still dangling out the door. In that moment I finally realized that I had jeopardized everything I had worked for over the past 6 years since I hung up my soccer cleats because I was scared.
Now, that sounds pretty dramatic. And unfortunately, to my embarrassment, that is exactly how it happened. I was crying and blubbering so hard that my husband was worried I had broken my ankle, when in fact it was a moderate sprain. Two days later I was walking almost normal with the help of a brace. But the extra time on the couch with bags of ice strapped to my ankle sure gave me lots of time to think about my decision. The first thing I realized is that it could have been so much worse. I am thankful that God decided to teach me a mild lesson about trying to live in the past instead of facing the future. I could have gotten another concussion. I could have injured my hip and needed another surgery. Instead, I bought an ankle brace and took some time off of running.
The future can be scary because it is uncertain and I really don't like uncertain. I have the horrible habit of watching movies and reading the plot on Wikipedia halfway through because I want to know what happens. But the uncertainty can also be amazing! I had no idea how I would perform at the Chicago Triathlon, but I earned a pro card there. I had no idea how I would perform at my first pro race, but I was proud of my finish and felt incredibly blessed. And I had no idea I would have the incredible opportunity to race for Tri4Him and meet so many wonderful people. I must learn to trust God's plan, because it is truly incredible. With my first race two weeks away and my first pro race three weeks away I am ready to embrace my future. Plus, all living in the past has earned me is lots of bruises and a sprained ankle. A triathlon in Austin sounds way better!
