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I have spent a lot of time debating what to write in this blog.  As some of you may know, I struggled with another asthma attack at this race.  The attack was a little shocking to me because the week before, while filling out paperwork for my new primary care physician, I had made a note to emphasize that my asthma is stable and has been stable for a while now.  Sure, I struggled with influenza and pneumonia last year, but I haven't had an all-out, can't breathe, my chest is hyper-inflated because there is so much air trapped in my lungs (that is actually the problem with an asthma attack, you can't exhale so then there is no room for oxygenated air) asthma attack in almost 3 years. 

After I could breathe and my brain was getting sufficient oxygen for intelligent thinking to return, I remember a lot of people saying things to me like "you're so tough!" and "I'm really impressed!"  And that is why I spent a lot of time debating about what to write.  As a physician, if I heard this from a patient of mine I would think "Oh my gosh, this person made a very poor choice, what was she thinking?!"  Medically, I know what I did was stupid and potentially very dangerous.  Asthma is not something a person can just shake off, it is something that actually can kill people.  According to the American Academy of Asthma, Allergies and Immunology, approximately 250,000 people in the USA die yearly of asthma and almost all of these deaths are preventable.  This made me think of it from another point of view. 

Since I hope to be a mother someday, I thought about my parents.  I cannot imagine what my parents must go through every time I step to the starting line.  I cannot imagine the anxiety and stress knowing that if you daughter is racing and can't breathe, she won't stop.  She won't stop to get help, she will keep pushing her body, pushing herself to give everything her poor body can possibly give.  It used to bug me a little bit that my parents would always say before races "Don't end up in the med tent this time please!"  Which I have a tendency to do because of my asthma, which is classified by the American Academy of Family Physicians as "severe asthma."  Maybe I have grown a little wiser as I have grown a little older or maybe it is because many of my friends are having children and that mother-instinct it starting to develop, but when I thought about this blog I thought about my parents.  I don't want anyone reading this to think that what I did, pushing my body to the point where I could have potentially suffered serious medical consequences, is tough or impressive.  Honestly, it was stupid.  It was also selfish. 

When I was racing, all I thought about was finishing.  I wanted to cross the finish line, I wanted to get that finisher award, I wanted to have a time in the results and I refused to have a DNF.  What I didn't think about is what my husband wanted.  What my husband wants is his wife to be safe so we can have kids and grow old together.  I didn't think about what my parents wanted, which is for their child to be healthy and safe so they can watch their grandchildren grow up.  So, although I will be giving you all a summary of how the race went, I want to emphasize this: what I did was not impressive and it was not tough.  If I had stopped because I knew that medically it was not safe for me to continue racing, THAT is what would have been tough.  THAT is the tough thing to do!  THAT would have been impressive, because as athletes that is a very, very difficult choice to make.  And that is what I want everyone to please learn from this blog.  Triathlon can be such a selfish and lonely sport, but we can forget about the sacrifices that our loved ones make so that we can do this sport, so that we can have this awesome and expensive hobby.  But on race day or on any training day that isn't going right, we must think of our loved ones.  I can only hope that I will make the tough, impressive and courageous choice next time.

Okay, that was a bit long so I will try to be very brief in the remainder of my blog!  Next I must say that The Experience at Frankenmuth Triathlon is an incredible triathlon and one that everyone should consider adding to their race schedule!  Who doesn't want to run past a lounging Santa Claus in 80 degree heat?!  Oh yes, you get to run through the amazing Bronner's parking lot!

The day before the race I joined my good friend Abby to help out with the Triathlon 101 Clinic she was hosting before the race.  Abby is an amazing person and, although she is currently taking some time off, an incredible professional triathlete.  She is currently focusing on her coaching, which is also amazing!  So, side bar, if you are looking for an incredible coach, check her and the TriDot Training System out!  The clinic was a lot of fun, both of the soon-to-be champions were also part of the "pro-panel" so I was able to keep some very prestigious company that night!  And the race director, Trevor Coleman, was also there giving some very helpful advice. 

The next day I went through my usual pre-race routine: wake up, 20 minute warm up run, breakfast (bagel, oatmeal, banana) and then off to the race site!  During my run, I had noticed an unusual tightness in my chest.  I was coughing as well, which is pretty unusual for me.  I mentioned to my husband that I couldn't breathe right, but neither of us thought much of it because, as previously mentioned, we both considered my asthma stable.  On the way to the race site, I downed a bottle of my favorite nutrition: UCan.  This stuff is amazing and gives me sustained energy.  I take a small flask of it on the bike, which would be the little white bottle top sticking out of the neck of my uniform.  Hey, a girl has got to take advantage of easily accessible storage!  After a little bit of a fiasco trying to find a chuck/hash pipe (the little adapter you need to pump up a disc wheel), I went for my pre-race ride. 

On the way down to the swim, I found Abby and she prayed with me near the swim start.  I am so grateful that she did, the prayer helped to calm my nerves and I'm also thankful that Abby asked that I would be safe.  Good looking out!  Quick swim warm up and then it was time to line up!  I was racing in the pro division, which meant the 76 degree water was well above the 68 degree wetsuit cut off for pros.  The horn went off and I worked hard to execute my plan for the swim, which was to up the effort to secure a faster swim time.  The swim course was very long, resulting in very slow times, but I just barely beat out two other women to be the 2^nd woman out of the water. 

I headed out onto the bike course and I noticed pretty quickly that something was not right.  I couldn’t settle into a pace and I felt very harried and chaotic.  I tried multiple times to just settle down, but my breathing never cooperated.  A pro from Canada passed me about 15 minutes into the bike and I kept her in view for a while, but fell back after about 25 km.  With about 5 km to go, US pro Dani Fischer passed me.  I tried to accelerate to keep her in view, but knew I had slammed into the wall.  I didn’t think I could run 10km, but I pulled on my running shoes and fought back the dizziness and headed out on to the run course. 

I can’t tell you much about the run.  I went to what I call my “fuzzy place,” where I just think about one aspect of my form, in this case my arms, and trust my body to do the rest of the work.  Panic rose a few times as I struggled to breathe and my legs felt weak and wobbled due to lack of oxygen, but I kept my pin-prick focus and kept running.  Finish.  That was all I thought, make it to the finish.  And maybe, just maybe, I could hold off the two pros trying to catch me.  Eventually the finish line came into view and I crossed.  My focus fell away suddenly and I remember the ground rushing up to meet my face.

I have parts of memory of what happened next.  I know my husband, as always, was there.  I heard people yelling to move me out of the way and I could heard other people yelling that they would move me when I was ready.  I remember legs standing between me and the finishers crossing the line… I think those legs belonged to aforementioned fantastic race director Trevor Coleman.  I remember medics trying to help me move and my legs, my arms, my chest cramping whenever I tried to move.  It was all too familiar, but soon I became more present and I was able to evaluate my situation.  My chest ached.  I don’t really know how to describe the pain of a hyper-inflated chest, it’s like feeling that your chest is going to rupture and your breast bone aches and every breath in stabs as I further inflate my lungs.  Then comes the albuterol treatments, which I know will help me to exhale properly so I can inhale properly.  But those treatments also come with an increase in heart rate that makes me feel dizzy and like my heart is going to explode!  And I have to say another thank you to the respiratory therapist from Hurley Medical Center.  I don’t even know her name, but when she saw my struggle was from asthma, she jumped in and helped out with both her expertise and words of comfort. 

I’m not sure how long it took, but eventually the worst of everything was over and I was able to talk and move.  I knew I had a short window of opportunity where I feel good, so I said a few quick hellos and good jobs, packed up my transition area and headed back to the hotel to shower.  There is always a consequence for pushing my body that hard and needing that much medication, which is a complete and total crash accompanied by nausea when the albuterol leaves my system.  That happened shortly after my shower, but thankfully some rest and world famous Zehnder’s chicken helped to perk me back up in time to grab some pictures of my husband accepting his 3^rd place beer stein!  Our friend Kyle also came out to cheer us on and join Abby, Todd and myself for some delicious cupcakes!  I wish I could have been more present after the race and at the award ceremony, I know I saw lots of Oakie blue out there and I do remember Michelle cheering me on and I think we talked after the race too… but lots of those details are vague!  But, better late than never, so HUGE congrats to everyone for a great race!! 

Next weekend I am on the road again, traveling to Milwaukee where I will cheer on my hubby, Todd Kennedy, and our friend, the infamous Other Todd (Buckingham) as they compete in the USAT Age Group National Championship!  You can find me on the course if you are racing!!  And I will be racing at 1:45 pm in the Milwaukee Super Sprint Showcase, so if you have some time, stick around and check it out!  It is a crazy, super short race that goes swim-bike-run-swim-bike-run, it will certainly be a blast!